Well been having an interesting time to say the least since I last wrote my blog. Marcus was great off school, much calmer we both learnt loads in a very informal manner and generally enjoyed being together. We were advised that we probably wouldn,t get funding for the special school and i was told by education welfare to make ammends with school and send him back. She was abit nosy asking about the support i had, did i work, what was the twins behaviour like etc. I felt she was trying to point the blaim at me and my inadequate parenting skills, where do these people get off judging others lifestyles. We had a meeting at school and it was decided Marcus should have a phased return to school with the ASD team taking him to school and him leaving early to get a quieter bus. Marcus not too thrilled by this idea but agreed to give it a go. I am definately not impressed what part of my son cannot cope in this school do they not get. Anyway I sent him on Monday as planned, neither of us slept on Sunday night and actually getting him out of the door was a nightmare, he claimed he didn,t know how to pack his bag, basically used evry excuse under the sun. When he came home he appeared anxious and said he had a horrible day but told his Nanna he had a fantastic day. He later told me he doesn,t want to upset or worry her and he also won,t tell school how he feels as they are trying so hard to make it work he doesn,t want to let them down. The following day we had a very chilled day, we went to the allotment, and here he opened up while we were weeding, how he is so unhappy at school, he feels anxious and scared all the time. I really felt for him but didn,t know what to do. This morning he refused to get out of bed, and when he did was very anxious, still not ready when the ASD team came to collect after much persuading he went to school. After the stressful morning I decided if he was so stressed out I wouldn,t send him tomorrow and seriously consider home education while we fought for a special school place. However true to form he came home from school having had a good day and said he wants to give it another go at his present school. this will all change tomorrow so I am still writing the letter to the LEA tonight requesting a change of provision to a special school. Will hold off on home education for the time being but definately a consideration.
Lydia is settling back into school and happy doing her homework etc, Piers continues to be a challenge. We are waiting on the educational psychologist seeing him but one of the LSAs at school also agree with me that he has difficulties. Why cant things be simple, his teacher thinks he is just immature and his consultant thinks he is naughty and attention seeking and doesn,t even agree the condition i think he has exists. Apparently i can pay for a private assessment to be done if I had a spare 3 thousand hanging around but don,t have a spare £3 to be honest. He had the most amazing tantrum tonight because he was losing on the Wii, i turned it off and he started shouting at me and calling me a stupid girl does this sound like a normal 4 year old. After 1 term at school he can,t write or recognise his name, has no interest in learning anything, can,t count to ten and doesn,t appear to know his colours. I think most of it is a case of won,t do it rather than can,t but I am sure with time a diagnosis will come. Luckily the twins are at a very small supportive school with a fantastic SENCO so he will be OK hopefully.
Miles is on call tonight and i have jsut got the little ones to sleep and Marcus is in the bath so hopefully some peace soon. We have an appointment at CAMHS tomorrow and then the education welfare officer is coming to visit with the educational psychologist, just let them dare to say i am a bad parent as i am ready for them. Hopefully not so long till I next log in but life is busy here as you can see.

Hi all not had much time to write my blog just lately as have had a really busy time. The birthday went Ok after i had got them all up and ready to go out. We have relaxed a bit over the christmas holidays and my washing machine broke so i couldn,t find any ironed clothes to wear for anyone. When i had got that sorted out getting the monsters organised was another problem. I would just get one organised when another decided their was something they had to do there and then. By the time we got out time was geeting on. We went to out for a lovely meal and then to the cinema watched Madagascar 2 which i liked and so did the little ones. Marcus enjoyed his day out and liked his presents. The birthday cake wasn,t too bad and tasted great so anopther success I suppose. However i had made a spelling mistake on both his card and cake and i think i can home educate.
Marcus is so stressed about school that I have decided not to send him and am now looking into a special school but until I find him an appropriate placement he won,t be going back to his present school. So the last few days have been spent on the phone getting advice about how to get him into our chosen school and how to secure funding. We have been to look round a special school today Dawn House school in Mansfield and it is fantastic and really meets Marcus needs even my against special school parents loved it and Marcus was very positve about it, this in itself is a major breakthrough as Marcus is rarely positive about anything . We just have to convince the LEA to give us funding now for an out of area school. This is going to be a challenge but I will do it as his needs come first. We have a meeting at school tomorrow to discuss what has gone wrong and have jsut spoke to the SEN teal who are trying to convince me i should try to work through the difficulties at his school but it has gone beyond that now. Miles gave me a lovely compliment last night he said I was the best Mum in the world and that I was alwyas to willing to go that step further for the children, I think this is what any mother would do but he doesn,t agree and said i should be proud of myself. He actually made me cry. I am expecting this next year to be challenging and at times extremely tough but I am determined to secure a place for Marcus at Dawn House and if that means Home education till then then so be it. I am on nights tonight so my parents have taken Marcus back to their house so i can sleep after the meeting . I hope it isn,t too busy so i can get my head around what to say tomorrow. The other night was very busy but also enjoyable as i was on with a great bunch of people and we laughed the night away. The couple I looked after were also lovely and had a lovely baby girl. i really do have a fantastic job.
I am now going to get the twins from school and see what chaos they can cause, last night Lydia painted her face with water colour paints but she did this on my cream carpet and then she emptied a full tub of glitter all over the kitchen. Still at least she is willing to learn. Piers has no interest in learning at all and he got sent to bed after attacking Lydia.
Has anyone been watching celebrity big brother, i want Verne to win he is so funny.

Hi all today has been an interesting but challenging day. marcus is still very worrried about school and has had so many tantrums today i have lost count. He and Piers have also been fighting a lot so needed a good deal of patience today to say the least. Miles has found the boys very challenging today and we have had a few words but all part of married life i suppose. It is Marcus birthday today can you believe 13 years ago I was in labour it feels like yesterday. we made him a birthday cake although the icing went a bit wrong so wouldn,t dare photogragh it but no doubt it will taste Ok. We are going out for a meal and then to the cinema, so should be good. Lydia wanted to make her own card for Marcus it is covered in glitter and lots of furry pom poms and sparlky bits, will photograph it tomorrow and let you see it. She has been making good use of the crafts things we bought yesterday hopefully she will be artistic like my grandmother and her grandad. Spent a lot of the day tidying the kids rooms what a challenge that is. The twins went to bed a little better tonight, managed to keep them awake by not going out in the car. Made spaghetti and neatballs for tea all the kids said they were not going to eat it but Marcus and lydia in the end. Piers tried a bit but got a really sore motuth from the chiile not sure if he is sensitive to it as this happened last time he ate something with chilli in it , will have to watch him closely. Let you know how the birthday celebrations went, buy.

Hi all today has been busy to say the least. I had a hospital appointment today so took the kids to my mum for an hour or two. Actually turned into 4 because i decided to go shopping for some more arts and crafts things, birthday card for Marcus, Take That calender and of course some more books for me. Bought a great book on trying to live a self sufficient life, doubt i will be able to manage that but it has a section on allotments and we have one that needs a lot of TLC and time spent on it. i don,t have a great deal of time but it is great to pick your own veg that you have grown. Probably get this from my grandads and dad who all had allotments when i was growing up. When i was 10 we were lucky enough to move to the countryside and had an acre of land and grew a lot of our veg. this was the time of the miners strike and that veg was literally a life saver. I also remember cosy nights spent podding peas just the 4 of us, that is a great way to bring a family together. I hope my children will also have fond memories of this at the moment they all help out but i have to watch the little ones like a hawk because they wander into other people allotments picking things they shouldn,t. My grandad who was Polish had a small holding on his allotment and was nearly put of meat when he informed me i was eating my pet pig and i lost count of the amount of pet rabbits he ate. Still that was the way he was brought up and i suppose in the war that was the only way to get meat for your family. He was a great man very family orientated but loved his vodka, maybe thats where my sister gets it from (sorry Sam) I am more of a wine drinker myself.
Marcus is getting wound up about school again, he is finding the mainstream comp he attends very challenging to say the least and has for the last year been suffering from severe anxiety associated with school. This has led to him self harming which is very hard to deal with as noone wants to see there child so unhappy. We have CAHMS and parent partnership invoved now and are viewing a special school next week. Marcus really wants to be home educated as he really cannot tolerate any form of noise or hussle and busstle of school life. I am considering getting him signed of sick from school for a while, we have a team meeting on Thursday to discuss how we can help him, hope this will help, but he unfortunately puts on a brave face at school so they think he is coping. I can tell he is extremely anxious though and he has just said he is too scared to go to school as he feels he is in danger, he can,t expand any more than that but said he may not go to school even if i send him. i am at a total loss for what to do, feel lots more phone calls and forum visits coming on. He is at the moment playing on the Wii with Piers and Lydia so for now is calm.
Piers and Lydia have fallen asleep in the car again so yet another night of no sleep. I found Lydia reading a book at 2am this morning, I put her in with us and she chatted away till 02.30 and then i couldn,t sleep as i had no room. Oh well have celeb big brother to look forward to and then will watch my new Gavin and Stacey DVD so lots of laughs to get me through. Must now go and cook for my family although Nanna has filled them full of sweets so i doubt they will each much. Bye fro now.

Had a really great day today. Took a while to get motivated, been ill over christmas and still not feeling 100% but getting their antibiotics kicking in now. Started out by making a swiss roll which didn,t work very well wouldn,t roll but tasted great and Piers and Lydia were very happy with it. I then decided to do some painting with the kids which they both love doing before i knew where we were we were making signs for there bedroom doors with glue and glitter, making christmas tree decorations, and painting evrything we could think of I really enjoyed myself. When Miles came home from work there was glitter everywhere and lots of pieces of artwork to be viewed.. We then had tea another recipe from jamie Olivers new book, unfortunately lydia fell asleep while I was cooking it and Miles hadn,t realised so now they are both still awake, hopefully they will sleep soon. Sleep has never been something any of my children are good at, when marcus was a toddler he could survive on 4 hours sleep unfortunatley i can,t and feel like death a lot of the time. Marcus still doesn,t sleep (very common in autistic people) and unfortunately the twins are just the same. I love them all dearly but it would be nice to have some time to sit quietly. I frequently go 36 hours without sleep because of work if i am on nights I will get up for school and stay up all day and all night then go to bed after the school run. Miles can,t understand why i am grumpy, he should try it and see if he can cope. I am fortunate though in that i have learnt to power nap and this does actually help. It has taken years of practice to perfect but am almost there i think.
I have just caught the little darlings trying to eat chocolate, will they ever sleep.
Anyway more about my life. I am the eldest daughter of 2 and after a pretty unexciting school life (never a fan of school) I enrolled on the pre nursing course. i wanted to be a nurse from the age of 7 when i had my appendix removed and pretty much stuck to that plan. I left there with 7 GCSEs but didn,t have the required grade in English to start my nursing so worked in a residential home for 2 years until i got GCSE English. I did my general nurse training at Doncaster hospital and those were some of the best years of my life. Some great girly holidays, fantastic friends, a few boyfriends and lots of drunken nights. I was engaged when i started my training to Daren but although he was agreat guy we drifted apart after a year of my training. When i qualified i moved to Nottingham to work as a theatre nurse, this was not my chosen career path and i only managed 10 months and left to start my midwifery training.Nottingham was great though, great place to live, lots of friends but would probably have been an alcoholic had i lived there much longer.
I did my midwifery training in Barnsley and this was a very lonely time for me. i was away from home, lived alone in flat and wasn,t sure if i had made the right career choice. At this time i met Michael he at first appeared charming, intelligent and it seemed we had loads in common. My family hated him and he refused to meet Nina my best friend. It was only after i was pregnant that I found out every thing about him had been a lie and he was a druggy. So i dumped him and went it alone with my baby who was marcus. He was the most beautiful baby 9lb7oz and really cute I was in love. I brought him up with the support of my parents for 4 years and then i met Miles. Unfortunately my Mum didn,t like him either and we fell out for reasons i don,t want to go into. This was a very difficult time, I had lost the support of my family, my grandmother who i was close to died and Marcus was diagnosed with Autism. The only good thing was Miles, his family, my sister and older niece and Nina and of course Marcus who although he was difficult really made life worth living.
The twins were born in 2004 and I made up with my Mum. Life was complete but demanding. Marcus found the change to his routine tough and 2 little babies were hard work. I suffered from postnatal depression but somehow managed to keep smiling and enjoyed my children.
Piers was always the most difficult of the 2 babies being lactose intolerant and suffering from severe colic. He is also undergoing assessment for autism but the doctors don,t agree he has a problem. They have made this decision after meeting him once but i am with him every day and can see he is so like Marcus and so different to Lydia. Time will tell. I know i have given a lot of personal information here but as i have said before if i can help one person this blog will have been worth it and i am basically a very open person. Will log back in tomorrow. Happy new yaer to you all.

Hello everyone

Hi i have never written a blog before and feel quite nervous about doing so. The reason I have decided to start blogging is partly for personal reasons (life is just running away from me and I have difficulty remembering what I did and when). The other reason is I have 3 children, run a house and work 30 hours a week. 1 of the children has a diagnosis of Autistic spectrum disorder (ASD) and a second has lots of difficulties and we are just undergoing the diagnosing process. I decided to write a blog as i hoped it would help me focus on the chaos of life and deal with the important stuff and also I might just be of some help to someone out there who also have special needs kids. I realised shortly after Marcus diagnosis that you need to be able to fight for your childrens rights which doesn,t always come naturally to me. I will try to keep my blogs as upbeat as possible but at times life is very difficult in my household (will definatley go into that more on other occasions). I am hoping 2009 is going to be a better year for us as 2008 was pretty rubbish to be honest and we could do with something good happening.
Anyway a little more about me. I am 37 (how did that happen), married to Miles who is 43 and have 3 children Marcus is 13 in 3 days and twins Piers and Lydia who are 4. I live in Doncaster, work as a midwife and have many other jobs as well as a housewife, you know what i mean by that, their are never enough hours in the day. My parents are Sue and Steve who are a great help with Marcus and give us much needed respite. i have 1 sister Sam who is married to Pete they have 2 children Jade 17 and Caitlin 6. I also have my fantastic in laws Doug and Doreen who always help with a spot of babysitting when our shifts clash. My best mate is Nina married to Wayne and children Joel and Niamh she has been a frein for 18 years this month and always their no matter what. Thanks Mate don,t know where i would be without you.
My other great passion is Take That going to see them in concert again for the 4th time this year can,t wait. I also try to lead as environmentally freindly life as possible, I am a real nappy advisor for Lollipop childrens products although this is difficult to fit in at times. i love cooking, make my own bread as often as possible and love spending time with my children.
My new years resolutions are to reduce my carbon footprint, be a better mother, lose weight and get fitter. Hope i have something of interest to you in my chaotic world and if i can help 1 person i will have achieved my aim. Hope to get to know you all well.